Love is blind, they say. Tell that to unmarried people, they will retort, “Rubbish”. On the contrary, tell that to married people, they will exclaim, “How true”.
What makes a marriage tick? Banjara academy set out to find answers to this age-old question, and came up with wide range of findings. For young men and women, falling in love was most important. Educational qualifications, similar upbringing, hobbies and interest, looks, caste and financial status all came later. Horoscope was no priority.
The results of the survey were released at a workshop “Selecting a Spouse”. Participants narrated their experiences and the refrain was that it is the relationship and not the person that matters the most.
Asif, a young doctor, who is engaged, says everything starts and ends with love. “Love marriage” which is arranged is ideal as we should always have the family backing. I believe it is always marriage between two families rather than two individuals.
Karan, an architecture student, feels arranged or love, marriage is a gamble. “Marriage, for me is an empty room. You put two people together and see how they build it up. Some may build a harmonious marriage, while in some case one of the spouses may walk out or sometimes both the spouses may walk out.”
But Malavika, a student, disagrees. “Marriage is not a gamble. You can’t pick up a man by throwing a dice. For me the ideal spouse should be down to earth, respect each other and sharing and caring”.
“Falling in love should not be kept as priority because then it will have to do more with looks, the way one presents and often we tend to look at only the positive side. It’s only after marriage that we see the negative trait in the person, says chairman of Banjara academy Dr. Ali Khwaja.
“This shows that youngsters are giving importance to the concept of ‘love first and marriage later’ with the presumption that this would ensure a smooth and happy wedded life,” says a counsellor.
Says Dr. Ali Khwaja, “For married people, the most important factors that make a good marriage are intellectual compatibility, similarity of upbringing, education, caste, financial status, similarity in careers and then comes falling in love and horoscope matching”.
Vasu and Saraswati, who have been married for 43 years, agree, “We can’t demand respect, it has to be earned. Two individuals should have emotional maturity and should understand each other’s weakness and help each other overcome it.”
TIE THAT BINDS
- The four pillars of happy marriage are good communication, respect, trust and commitment.
- While unmarried youth stress the importance of love, married people emphasize the need for compatibility.
- Married couples say nuclear family is more conducive to happy married life.
- Learn to love and not look for the right person to love.