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02 Oct

Obey (?) your Parents

I have been quite the rebel child. I came as a shocker to my parents, who were used to my soft spoken, well-behaved elder sister for a good six years. It may be interesting to note here that in every family, there will be that one black sheep who gets blamed for every bad trait any child in the next generation inherits. It is a universal fact that all parents in the world invariably like to take credit for their child’s positive traits and not take the onus for the negative ones. So, there has to be a ‘bakra’. Well, in my family I proudly hold that title. So, now you can imagine how much of a misfit I must have been, all through my childhood and adolescence. Naturally, my parents struggled to deal with this new human being who always has an opinion and most of the times, an unpopular one. And yes, they are still struggling.

One of the regular parenting tools Papa tried with me was ‘fear’. He knew I was not the kind who will get scared of my parents. But he was smart, he always throws his arrows a little farther. The Bible was his fallback blackmail mechanism when things don’t go his way. When caught up with no answers at the end of a heated argument, he would often remind me of the only Lord’s commandment that comes with a reward – which is, ‘Obey your parents, so that you will be blessed with a long life’. Often frustrated when he tries to have the last word in the argument, I would totally dismiss it saying I don’t want that long a life.

Much later, I figured that the English Bible actually says ‘honour your parents’ and some Malayali Achayan had conveniently translated it to convey obedience. I must clarify that I have not taken the trouble to research into what the original text was. I just chose to convince myself that Jesus Christ, the epitome of love, wouldn’t advocate authoritarian parenting. And I started searching the Bible for my rebuttal to Papa until one day my eyes struck upon this gold in Colossians 3:21. I read it out to him loud with glitter in my eyes – ‘Fathers, do not provoke your children, so that they don’t get discouraged’. How about that? He was tongue tied, and trust me my father is never at a loss of words.

Probably, we want to project only those scriptures that will suit the power dynamic we want to achieve. Be it the gender politics, parenting or marriage, we willfully use Holy Books to condition ourselves to justify our need for power, while making the oppressed believe that God is not on their side. -Serene George

Banjara Academy

 

Every baby and small child has an innate desire and curiosity to explore, learn and acquire skills. 

Adults find it so difficult to hold back toddlers who wish to move around all over the place and investigate everything within their reach. They use all their senses to see, listen, touch, taste & smell whatever they come across.

As the child grows older, he is sent to school to get ‘educated’, but all his motivation and desire to learn reduces.  He then has to be forced to listen to the teacher, take notes, do calculations, complete his homework, and ‘mug up’ for exams. Is it the fault of the student, or is it the fault of all of us adults who kill the curiosity and the joy of learning?

Instead of blaming the system or authorities, each one of us can, and should, do our bit to rekindle the spark of learning in any child we interact with, and send him off on a path of growth to become a capable adult.

It’s not difficult.

Careers and Studies:

Find out your most suitable learning style: 

Each one of us is unique, and the best method that suits our study should be determined by trial and error, till we are satisfied.  Check out if any or many of these techniques give you better learning and retention:

  1. Sitting in one place and reading, or standing, walking around, moving place of study every few minutes, or even lying down.
  2. Writing as you read, either in a notebook, small flip-cards, or on a black/white board that you can keep in your room.
  3. Reading mainly from the notes instead of the main text book, and referring to the text book periodically.
  4. Reading aloud to yourself, or even reading out to a friend or parent.
  5. Highlighting or underlining with a pencil the important passages or definitions.
  6. Closing the book once every 5, 10 or 20 minutes and recalling what you have read (or even writing down in point-form)
  7. Playing soft music when you read
  8. Reading one subject continuously for hours vs. shifting periodically from one subject to another.

 

Case Study

Rohini has been a good student and managed 10.0 CGPA in her 10th standard CBSE.  However she did not like science too much (though she enjoyed Math), and took up Commerce at the +2 level.  Her parents were not too happy with it as everyone in their family were engineering, doctors etc and they felt that science students have better careers than commerce students.

As an after-thought Rohini’s parents asked her to enroll for the Common Proficiency Test (CPT) which is the first step to becoming a Chartered Account.  Again it was entirely in the belief that CA’s are the most respectable professionals in commerce.  Rohini appeared for CPT but missed clearing it by a few marks.  Her parents again coaxed her to re-appear, and in the second attempt she succeeded!

Rohini is not interested in becoming a CA, but did not know how to convince her parents.  Finally she went in for an Aptitude test.  The result was that she is a people-oriented person and would be much happier in areas of applied finance, not pure accounting.  The report mentioned many careers that have commerce as a base but which involve understanding and dealing with people.  The family started looking up details of the careers highlighted in the report, and were pleasantly surprised to see very interesting and exciting options open for their child.  Rohini is now happily doing her B.Com, getting fairly good marks.  She has also taken up a couple of on-line courses suggested by her counselor to enhance her skills in the fields she is considering as her final career.

A famous writer once said: “We Indians are only focused on weddings, but do not give any significance to marriage”.

I look around and find people doing everything to arrange the grandest weddings, but hardly spending any time or effort on helping the couple understand how they can make their married life harmonious.

When two people of opposite gender, having had different upbringing, education, relationships and attitudes, come together to share such an intimate relationship (and even bring up children together), don’t they require to plan, prepare, look into possible hurdles, and learn how to build a strong and loving relationship – which may last more than half a century ?

There is so much that can be done on working out all issues of the marital relationship in advance, the way we work out careers, homes, finances or health. Wish we start working on this crucial issue. 

Generally we are contented with the way our days are going and can deal with minor issues without much discomfort.

But sometimes life throws up unexpected challenges at you. Circumstances change, fortunes go up and down, luck favors or abandons you, and you face intense happy or sad situations. Sometimes you have no control of what is happening, and you do your best to overcome the hurdles or setbacks.  When faced with very difficult times, one thing becomes clear – you get to know who your true friends are, and who will give you unconditional support. 

Hope Diwali brings brighter days in your life.