Listening is an art which needs to be carefully cultivated. It is amazing that, despite the progress made in management education, no management school lays emphasis on listening as a tool for effective management.
In fact, if its significance is truly understood, Management by Listening [MBL] could become the next buzzword after MBO, Kaizen, TQM etc. How would you react if you were to be told that listening is a very difficult art?
Obviously, unless you were hard of hearing, you would ridicule the suggestion. Yet it is a fact that listening is a skill very few of us have inculcated, or even understood the significance of.
Let us take an example. Think of a situation when you are absorbed in your work, and a dear colleague comes over to you requesting your time for an important disclosure he has to make.
He starts off with his tragic tale of how his boss
[or wife, or father]
insulted him that day due to no fault of his, and that has made your friend so depressed that he is thinking of taking some drastic and fool hardly action.
More often than not, you would cut him short before he has finished, with either of these two responses: [1] “That reminds me of the horrible time I had when my boss
[or wife, or father]
had ridiculed me and I was so mad…” or [2] “Don’t worry, young chap, such things do happen, and you must learn to take it easy.” It is not the end of the world after all..” Will you reflect why you had responded as above ? Would you believe if you were told that it was because you were feeling thoroughly uncomfortable listening to your friend, and you felt that you must say something appropriate to ease the embarrassing conversation ?
You may not agree, but it is true. Most of us cannot wait to start talking when someone else is having his say.
Our mind starts wandering off to the right response, reaction, or even how to steer the conversation to something more suitable to us.
When someone is recounting something which is important to him, we are listening to his story, but the central character in our minds is neither the talker nor the subject he is talking about; it is WE ourselves.
With the talker’s voice droning somewhere below our conscious level, we are recounting similar incidents or similar emotions which we have been through.
Thus there is a dearth of people to listen when we really wish to speak. This is precisely the reason for the universal success of consulting psychologists, loving grannies, docile quiet housewives, and even practicing god men.
Yes, there are people who listen when our urge to talk is over-whelming. They do not but in with their own similar experiences; they do not underplay the importance and intensity of our emotions of the moment. They may understand nothing of the problem we are facing, but they do understand our feelings.
They have the time and inclination to listen without prejudice, not interrupting unnecessarily, offering no solutions, and extending their unconditional empathy. That is what listening is all about.
It may sound simple, but it takes a great deal of conscious effort to practice effectively. To be able to put aside our own problems, our anxieties of being late for the next appointment, to forget our very being for the time being, and to merge with the personality of the talker, is true listening.The increase in pace of jet-set lifestyles, the breakdown of the joint family system, the pressure of work, matrimony, commuting, inflation and competition, all lead to pent up emotions whose ideal outlet is …….. talking it over. And to be able to talk it over, there should be a listener. And for the very reasons cited above, there are very few listeners available around us. The listener has to do so without forming opinions and prejudices about either the talker, or the people he is referring to. He must show the talker that he is interested and ask open ended questions which help when the talker pauses uncomfortably.
Management gurus are increasingly making us aware that the most valuable investment of any organization is its manpower. A satisfied and motivated work force can achieve results which the best technology or most sophisticated equipment cannot. And for men to be motivated, one precondition is that they should have the feeling that someone listens to and understands their problems. There are many managers who complain that their subordinates do not communicate properly, or understand work given to them. It will be worthwhile if instead of reeling off orders, managers allow subordinates to first talk freely. The same is case when explanations are sought.
A typical scenario is that of the boss shouting out his dissatisfaction, asking the subordinate why he performed badly, and continuing the tirade after the subordinate has, at best, uttered “but sir……” People concerned with marketing or negotiating important deals are trained in the art of communication. They are expected to be very effective when they talk, and are evaluated on their convincing power. Not many realize that any customer can be convinced, or bargained with, only up to a limit which he has set for himself. The skill of the negotiator lies, not in repeatedly badgering the customer, but in understanding where this limit lies. This can be done only by listening to the customer more than talking to him.
Listening in important deals, should be done more with the eyes than with the ears. This is because 55% of the intake in communication is visual – the body language, postures, gestures etc. In fact, another 37% of communication is by the tone [“how he said it”] and the circumstances. Thus only 8% of communication is based on the text of what has been said.
Let us take an example: If a customer were to tell a persistent sales person “I will consider your offer,” the hopes which the latter will have of striking a deal will depend on when, how, in what tone, after which sentence, with what posture, and in what mood, the customer said the words.
Listening is an art which needs to be carefully cultivated.
When Japanese delegations go for important business deals, they are said to have one member who does not speak at all – his only job is to listen [with his eyes as well as ears] and to report at the end of the day to the other team members those subtle points which they may have missed in their enthusiasm to talk and convince.
We have traditionally had a culture of meditation, silence and patience. If we inculcate these into our working life, we will find ourselves becoming much more effective managers.
The next time someone comes over to you to pour out his or her problems, take a deep breath, purge your mind of all other thoughts, and sincerely turn to the talker and listen. Listen hard and with unbiased empathy. Listen without interrupting except where absolutely necessary, and listen until the talker is exhausted with the outpouring.
You will not only have helped a person tide over a deep depression or a seemingly insurmountable problem, you would have also won a grateful friend for yourself, increased your own knowledge, and learnt how to tackle people better, resulting in better work efficiency.
