Forgiveness is not about giving up anything – except bad feelings. You can forgive and not even tell anyone that you have done so. There are many things you don’t have to do when you forgive. Here is a list of most of them. You can probably add more.
- You don’t have to forget what happened or pretend it didn’t happen.
- You don’t have to give up your grieving or diminish your feelings of loss or pain.
- You don’t have to excuse or condone selfish, rude, or abusive behavior.
- You don’t have to become a doormat. Forgiveness is not weakness; it takes strength and courage to let go and forgive.
- You don’t have to justify other people’s behavior
- You don’t have to reconcile with anyone or renew your trust in them
- You don’t have to remain trapped in negative thoughts and feelings like anger, guilt, resentment, blame, shame or pain.
It’s not necessary to understand why someone acted as they did in order to forgive them. They may not even know why they said or did something hurtful. Understanding their motives, opinions, and concerns may help us widen our own perspective, but “why” information about them is not a prerequisite for forgiving.
