Forgive the person who hurt you

Every religion has strongly emphasized on the virtues of forgiveness. Here are a few examples:

• Guru  Granth Sahib, the holy book of the Sikhs says: "Bure da bhala mana. Gussa man  na vasa (Be grateful to the one who is bad to you since  he is only an instrument. Don't allow anger to fester  in your mind.)"
• Jains   begin  their  10  pillars  with  "uttam   kshama (forgiveness  based  on correct perception  and  correct knowledge)"  and end with "kshama vani (asking of  for­giveness from each other)"
• The real spirit of the joyous festival of Holi is to forgive wrongs of others.
• Muhammed, the Prophet of Islam used to pass by a house where the lady would throw rubbish and hurl abuses at him. It is recorded that one day he was going past and the lady did not come out. He stopped and went in to ask the lady whether she is not well on that particular day.
• The essence of life of Jesus and his teachings is  practice of forgiveness. "Forgive them O Lord for they know not what they say", "Turn the other cheek" to the person who slaps you, are two of his universally known preachings.

What we do not realize is that forgiveness is for our benefit, and not a charitable act done to the persecutor. When we forgive another for anything that he or she may have done to us, we are really saying "I no longer  give you the power to control who I am, how I think, and  how I'll  behave in the future. I take responsibility  for all of that now."

Forgiveness  is  an act of self-love  rather  than  some altruistic  saintly behavior. It gives us control  over our inner life and thoughts. Mark  Twain said it so beautifully when he wrote  "For­giveness  is the fragrance the violet sheds on  the heel that has crushed it." Similarly a Chinese proverb says: "one who pursues revenge should dig two graves".

Just fortify yourself, take a deep breath, and forgive the person who hurt you. And then ...... enjoy the fresh air!

By Dr. Ali Khwaja